was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
