Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
