You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
PANTIES FOUND
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