He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
