Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
