then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
