sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
