If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
