Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
