Who wears a wallet chain?!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
