$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
