If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize