Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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