I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
