Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
