You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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