okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
