did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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