Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
