They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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