Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
