If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
