just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
