id be glad to
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
