Plan B is the new Plan A
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
