Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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