I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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