I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
