Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
