i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
