Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
