thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
