I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think your dad took our porno
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
