Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
