I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
