You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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