So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
