is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You don't make any sense
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