The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
