my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
