White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
