Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize