He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wish my penis had a tongue
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
