I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
