i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
