I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize