i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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