How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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