She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We are two peas in an std pod
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
