i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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