i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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