His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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