"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize