Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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