Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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