Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think my nap took me to another dimension
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
