just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize