you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
