I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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