i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
