dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize