Yo dont text me then not text me
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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