I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
