I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize