i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
