Pregnant stripper...not hot.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
