I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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