i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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