I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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