I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
